


Making It Rain

by ReginaExMachina



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-30 18:19:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12114471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReginaExMachina/pseuds/ReginaExMachina
Summary: OutlawQueen. This one is not for the faint of heart. Doesn't follow canon. No Robin death. Set around the time of the whole Marian ordeal.Hopeless, withdrawn, and with the ghost of Rumpelstiltskin haunting her, Regina's suicide attempt takes her on a journey inside herself, to confront her past, accept her present, and forces her to reveal a deep, dark secret, the real reason she hunted Snow White for years. Will Robin's love help her through?





	1. Chapter 1

           Regina made it rain.

The noise patterns of the rain reached Regina’s ears as it hit the window, the soft pit pat against the wooden bench outside brought a sort of trance to her, as if everything that was invisible could suddenly be a reality, the growing grass could at any moment grow back death with it, raise it and make it alive.

From her balcony, she watched people scatter seeking shelter. She knew it was not natural rain, it had been caused by the deep grief she felt, but it brought her some sort of comfort. She wanted to touch each drop, but ladies could not play in the rain.

All they could do was serve and be served. What was the point in being a Queen, or the Mayor, or a Sorceress, or a Murderer, or  _ Evil _ if all titles came with suffering?

What was the point of remembering if all her memories were of pain? What was the point of a curse if the only person she had truly cursed was herself? While everyone was in a trance, she remembered it all, she should have eaten the poisoned apple herself, knowing she would never wake up, knowing an act of true love could never save her, because no one truly had loved her.

Things sometimes seemed wonderful, but just as she thought she was reaching, grasping, as if picking a juicy red fruit from a tree, something happened to make her unable to satiate the hunger she felt, for tender caresses, for sweet touches, for a loving embrace, for the most vital and necessary words any human could hear.

Human contact served no purpose anymore, not from anyone. Why was she so screwed? So damaged? So  _ ungood _ ? She didn’t expect forgiveness for the despicable acts she had committed, not from others, but she wished she could forgive herself, because the one person she had hurt the most was herself.

It would never be her first reaction to hurt others, but sometimes she was so afraid, so very afraid of others, and the only way to make them understand her, it seemed, was not to talk, because people who listened only used information to their advantage, it was to hurt those they loved, to instill fear.

Now no one as afraid of her, or perhaps they were but not so openly. Now, people simply dismissed her, a has-been Queen with no power other than paper pushing. Making sure the town had supplies, and every now and then she was called into battle, when the heroes needed her to do their dirty work. This was never meant to be her life, she decided, as she reclined on the couch, gazing out the window.

Henry now lived with Emma, and the two idiots, and while they often invited her out, she preferred to save herself some dignity than to beg for scraps of friendship and celebration, because her magic could do no good, even when it saved lives, her cooking was suspicious, and always remained full in its container at the counters during those gatherings.

Regina had no sleeping curse, but she had sleeping pills, and they would have to do. Her apple tree was drenched, just as her mouth when she took a long drink of water, her right hand fidgeting with the orange bottle. She was afraid, but it would be the last time.

“What will you do now, dearie?” A well known voice called amid the shadows. Rumpelstiltskin had been observing her. “Are you taking those pills? Sleeping forever? And then what? What will that do for anyone?”

“Leave me alone, Gold,” the woman said without looking away from her tree, her eyes captured by one of its most recent blossoms, a beautiful, full, big apple, glistening with raindrops, “go bother someone else, I’m done being your pawn.”

“Pawn?” Gold got up, walking towards her, standing behind her as he, as well, looked outside the window. “I have no use for you, Regina, and I don’t mean it in a bad way; there are no dark plans looming in my horizon to get something out of someone, so, that’s not why I’m here. Believe it or not, I do care about you. You were… special. I saw you grow up, after all. Made you what you are.”

“It’s my time, Rumpel. I need to go,” the brunette said matter-of-factly, her eyes locked on the apple, as red as blood.

“What good did that do to me?” the man said.

“I don’t care. Leave. Me. Alone.”

“If I could, I would leave, but I doomed myself to be a shadow, and for now, your shadow, Regina.” Gold walked through her, materializing on her other side. “It’s cold here where I am, and yet, I can feel nothing. I could use some company, true, but you and I are not really good at light conversation.”

Regina could cry. “I’m sure I have my very own room reserved in hell. Leave me alone, Rumpel. I do not wish to see you. The more I look at your damned face and remember how I killed you, the more I wish to be dead.”

“Hell doesn’t really exist, and being a ghost is not as funny as others make it look. Besides, I did far, far worse than you. You are a shiny angel next to me, dearie.” Rumpel poofed away, then appeared on her other side.

“Why do you want to die so badly”

Regina almost spoke, and answered his question, but if she had wanted to talk about it she would’ve dialed the suicide hotline. She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh, as if it were her last breath and reclined again.

“I get to see Belle, at nights, when she cries for me. But she can’t see me…” Gold’s voice sounded cold. “And then she goes to my grave, and leaves flowers, on a vase she chipped herself. What will Henry do for you? Leave apple turnovers on yours?”

Regina stood up, leaving the living room, leaving the pills behind. Henry couldn’t care less about her. He had a new family, the mother he had always wanted. She had killed her own chances at being one. Perhaps when she drank that potion it also killed all her instincts. She made her way out the door. Fuck it if the rain soaked her. She made her way around the house to her tree and sat underneath it, even under a literal storm, it provided her shelter. She tugged on the sleeves of her sweater and pulled up her legs against her chest, her jeans were soaking wet.

“R’geena,” a voice called. How long had she been outside? The rain had stopped to a fine mist. “What are you doing out here? You are soaking wet, love.” The man knelt next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t call me  _ love _ ,” the woman said, reaching up to pluck an apple, “isn’t your dirty peasant of a wife waiting for you in a tent somewhere?”

“No.” he simply said, sitting next to her, not caring to get mud on his pants. “She is not.”

“Oh,” Regina said, “well give her my regards, not that she needs to make a bigger pile of things she took from me,” the brunette stood up, dusting off invisible dirt from her wet pants and approached the back door of her house.

“Wait,” Robin went after her. “I… I can’t do it. I can’t love her anymore. If she is to be saved, it won’t be because of any love I have for her. As far as I’m concerned, my duty as a husband has been fulfilled.”

“Good for you,” the woman said, but she couldn’t end things like this, Robin’s last memory of her should not be her sarcasm. She turned to face him. “I understand why things had to happen, and you should be with her, and your son, Roland. You deserve your first chance, Robin. Me? I was only a second,” the brunette smiled sadly.

“True love doesn’t exist,” he called after her. “It doesn’t, not in the way we think. You don’t get just one person for you, and the opportunity is not lost forever. R’geena, you’re my true love because I choose you, because you would choose me, not because some pixie dust says so. Won’t you take that chance?”

“No, Robin,” Regina shook her head, “I will not.”

“Why?”

“Because I do believe in true love, and I believe that you should let the person you love truly be happy, and your happiness is not with me, Robin. Life gave you a second chance with Marian, and you should take that chance. You and I, it would end badly. Haven’t you heard about me?” the brunette sighed, turning away again and walked back into her house, closing the door behind her. Yes, this was better, he knew she loved him, the only letter she had to leave was for Henry, she could never face Henry. Her  _ not  _ son.

“Back again, dearie?” Ghost Gold said. He was bound to her house most of the time. He had died there, after all.

Regina did an immediate U-Turn out of the living room and up the stairs. “I have a letter to write, Rumpel, leave me alone. Please, I beg you. Just leave me be.”

“Little queenie all alone, soon with her life she’ll be done,” the childlike singsong voice sounded all over the house. Then it was gone.

Regina nodded, going to Henry’s bedroom, a notebook and a pen in her hand. She began to write.

_ Dear Henry, _

_ I remember your first cold like it was just yesterday. I had no idea what to do with you, I didn’t sleep for days, until you were better, thinking I might lose you. I remember your first word, too, it was ‘mom’ and from that day forward, I lived my life with the purpose of hearing it from your lips over and over. _

_ I remember the first time you said to me that you loved me, and you were the first person I ever believed it from. The first of none other, actually. I remember the first time I took you to the park, and you hurt your knee, and I healed it with magic when you were asleep. I hated the idea of using rubbing alcohol, it was torture to see you cry. _

_ I remember every time in between, and I also remember the last. _

_ Perhaps if you asked your grandma Cora, she would not remember mine. Back home, where I was born and raised, in the Enchanted Forest, last words are the most remembered, but I have none for a town of people waiting to see me die by arrow. I choose to go quietly, and uneventful, because I’ve already made an event of my life and yours, and your family’s. _

_ I remember finding true love the first time I gazed into your eyes, and that is a love that no one could tear away from me. It was the most real feeling I’ve ever felt. _

_ I hope, sincerely, that you succeed at everything you want to do with your life. You changed your mind quite often as a little boy, but I know you will find your true purpose. Us Mills are late bloomers in that aspect, just… look at me. I trust some day you will do great things, perhaps find love, marry, have your own children. I… will watch over you, and all of your family, my little prince, and I will love you all forever. My love for you can never be destroyed, not even by death. _

_ There will be times when you won’t know which way is up, and that will be okay, you make your own way in life, son, make your own path. _

_ I hope some day you will understand why I had to leave you so soon, it seems you were just a baby in my arms yesterday, and today it’s all over. _

_ This is my happy ending. _

_ I love you. _

_ Regina. _

She sealed the letter in an envelope and scribbled Henry’s name, then set it on the kitchen counter once she had come down. The moment was here. She retrieved her sleeping pills again and began to crush them methodically into a fine powder after pouring a glass of apple juice.

“It feels funny, death,” Rumpel started again. “You will look down and see your body, and you will think, ‘ _ Is that how I look? I thought I was taller _ ’, then time goes by in a strange way, so, so slow, but then people find your body, and it feels as if you died just a second ago. I still remember Belle’s face. I could hear her tears splashing on my dead body. I’ll be here, with you, to hear Henry’s cries, dearie, don’t worry. I won’t leave you alone.”

Regina frowned softly. “You are bound to this house, Rumpel?”

“Yes. I get to leave, once in a while, but too little, for too short. Don’t worry, I don’t spy in the shower.”

Regina nodded, then in a cloud of purple smoke, disappeared, only to reappear somewhere in the forest, near the edge of town, sleeping pills on mortar and pestle, next to her apple juice, on a small table. She sat on a smooth stone and continued her work. Maybe they would never find her body here, not if she crawled into the river after taking the pills, and let it take her body somewhere far.

Regina didn’t quite make it to the river, though. She was so tired, so very, very tired, could barely keep her eyes open and she smiled, that apple juice tasted like relief. She was finally going to sleep, and really rest, somewhere where she couldn’t be hurt, or hurt anyone, or disappoint Henry. She closed her eyes, the cold, wet mud on the ground felt good against her face.

There was a persistent smell, clinical, clean, sterile, and muffled voices. And a steady drip drop, keeping her arm cold, so very cold, and there was a voice calling her, soothingly. A rough hand caressing her forehead, once and again.

“Regina,” it said. “My love.” Once and again.

She moved her head from side to side, it felt light, so light. The hand at her forehead was warm, and at last, her eyes fluttered open, she looked around, at first disoriented, and then her eyes filled with tears. “No… no…” she cried, “no…”

“Love,” Robin’s eyes filled with tears as well, “It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe, you’ll be fine…”

“Why, Robin?” her voice was hoarse, and yet merely a whimper, “Why? Who did this?”

“Save you? Who saved you?” his words were broken and the tears got caught on his beard.

“Why would they do this to me, Robin?” Regina sobbed, burying her face in her hands, which had been stabbed with needles, dripping liquids into her, connected to tubes. “No… no…”

He wanted to ask her why himself, so, so badly, but he knew it was not the right moment.

“Henry found your letter, Emma cast a locator spell. I found you, I brought you here… we all have been here, talking to you, taking your hand, you have been not alone a single second, R’geena… so we all did this to you.”

Regina lifted her back off the bed, face buried in her hands as she sobbed. “No…” she sobbed, “you ruined everything…”

“How was it supposed to be?” He choked back a sob.

“It was supposed to be peaceful, and pain-free, and everlasting…” she sobbed, shaking her head, “Oh god… no…”

“Forgive us then, if we were selfish to want to have you here, with us, in our lives,” the man cried openly. “And forgive Henry, for crying over you the whole night. But was it better to have him cry over you like this, than having him cry over your coffin?  _ Yes _ .”

“He would have been fine soon enough,” Regina sniffed, rubbing the tears away from her face, “He has Emma and Snow, and David, and friends, and people who love him. There would have been no grave, how… I thought the river…” she sniffed, trying hard to think back but it was all fuzzy.

 

The feeling of dread began to consume her again. She couldn’t do anything right, even this. She shut her eyes tightly, biting back a sob. She wasn’t supposed to ever wake up.

“I found you next to it, R’geena, and no, Henry would have been not fine, ever. How can you ever think he would get over his mother killing herself? Or me? Or all of us who love you? What were you thinking? Why?”

There, he had broken his own promise, but he was so pained.

Regina shook her head. “Nobody loves  _ me _ ,” she said, her voice hoarse, her throat was parched, “I’m second to the dark one, which leaves me now first in line to call into battle, and to you maybe I’m a good friend, or a good fuck,” she wiped her tears, “and to Henry? I’m just…” the woman shook her head, fresh tears spilling. “I bet they all feel heroic, they did their good deed of the day, never thinking about what others want, only what is good and right in their mind. Well nothing is good and right in my life. I just want to go to Heaven, and see my daddy…”

“You are wrong,” Robin took her hand, careful not to disturb the IV. “No one feels heroic, if anything, we all feel devastated, and stupid, so very stupid for not seeing your pain, the desperation in which you fell. We all were so busy with this crazy life, and menace after menace, that we failed to see you, needing us, feeling alone and miserable, and I’m so sorry, Regina, I’m so, sorry my love. If you want to feel angry at us, do, we deserve it, but you don’t have to pay for our mistake, you don’t have to die because we are imbeciles…”

Regina was still sobbing, taking gasping breaths that died too early at her throat, before reaching her lungs.

“I hate you, Robin, I hate you so much. You ruined me, you broke my heart…” she sobbed, “I loved you… I would have given you anything, everything, all of what I could give…”

The man just nodded, taking it. He would not fight her. “I deserve to be hated, deserve your spite. Had I been honorable for real, I would have known from the very beginning that following my heart was as important as respecting vows, for a vow to oneself is sacred, and my heart had belonged to you, Regina, and still I took it from you, out of a twisted sense of loyalty… How could you ever forgive me?”

“Just go, Robin…” Regina sniffed, still not looking up, “I don’t want to see you again, any of you people. Tell everyone I died.”

“No. I won’t make the same mistake. I can leave you to rest, but I won’t leave you alone, and you can hate me, but I love you. Now, I will tell your son that you are awake.”

“No,” Regina shook her head, “no don’t, please…” her face was flushed, her teeth had sank into her lip hard, her fingers grasping the sheets.

“Don’t you want to see him? He’s… he’s very distressed.”

Regina shook her head, her expression had changed, softened, no hatred to be spoken of.

“I saw them all, Robin…” she said after a moment, “all the people I tortured…”

“While you were… asleep?” He sat back, taking her hand again.

Regina nodded, sniffing, the tears finally stopped, and she felt empty. “Yes, they all stood in a circle, surrounding me, there were so many…” she shook her head, “I don’t deserve peace.”

He could tell her about all the good she had done since she had decided to step away from darkness, but he knew she would not see it, not now.

“You deserve to be loved, and you  _ are _ loved, R’geena. So, so much… I know it’s hard for you to believe, but you are.”

“Robin…” she pressed her lips together, trying to keep the tears at bay, because now that she had learned to cry, she did it well and often, “please tell them… it was an accident, that I… that I was trying to cross realms…” she bit her lip.

“R’geena… you, you left a letter, sweetheart. Henry found it. He came crying, almost hysterical, yelling that we needed to find you, practically dragging Emma out of the diner.”

She remembered that, yes. She nodded, there was no escaping it. She moved aside after a moment, silently begging Robin to join her on the bed, and he did, so very carefully, trying to not disengage any tube. He passed a hand under her back, bringing her to him, hugging her.

“I thought I had lost you, you were so cold, love… I was so scared, so desperate.” He started to cry openly, like a little boy, hiccuping, pressing his face against her head. “I love you so much, R’geena…”

“I’m sorry…” she sobbed against his chest, clinging to him tightly, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m just tired… I’m so tired, Robin.”

“It’s okay, love, it’s okay, it really is. Don’t apologize, please. We’ll find a way to make you feel better, my love, little by little. I’ll be patient, and loving, and I won’t leave you again. I won’t, and you can be tired sweetheart, it’s okay to be tired. We’ll build up your strength again, hm? I’ll be here, I won’t leave your side, as long as you let me be with you.”

Regina closed her eyes, nodding against his chest. She had always felt safe in his arms, protected, and now he’d brought her back from her final judgment. “I’m sorry I said I hate you…”

“No matter…” he kissed the top of her head, brushing her hair. “Nothing matters now, and I can’t promise you that everything will be fine, because I can’t know.” He raised her face so he could look at her eyes. “But I promise that I’ll be here with you, by your side, no matter how things turn out. Is that fine, sweetheart?”

“Robin…” Regina started, searching for strength in her, the last remaining bits, “I… would like us to be friends,” she finally said the words, and they tasted bitter and untrue.

He kept silent for a few moments, then nodded. “However you want me, I’ll be here. I’m going nowhere.”

There it was, she had relieved him from whatever commitment he felt towards her, and… he hadn’t fought. She nodded, her eyes welling up with new, more bitter tears.

“Thank you for being here, I’d like to be alone now.”

“That’s what a true love is for,” he kissed her head again, then hugged her, letting go of her with utmost care.

“Can Henry come in? He is so worried.”

Regina nodded at last, waving an arm and a small cloud of purple smoke appeared, but did little else. “He can…”

“Alright, love. I love you. I’ll be here if you need me.”

Robin was gone, and a few minutes later a teen sized human being attached himself to Regina’s legs, uncontrollable sobs making his whole body shake.

“Henry…” Regina passed a hand over his hair, “Henry, please don’t cry, sweetheart…”

“M-mom… mom…” It was useless, the tears started wetting the sheets and the boy clung harder to her.

“Henry…” Regina sobbed. How could she do this to her little boy? Guilt began to fill her immediately, and soon, she was sobbing with him. “Henry, I’m sorry…” she said over and over as he crawled over her, fitting himself into a fetal position, a ball, his head on her lap.

“Mom... please… please don’t leave me, mommy… don’t leave me,  _ please _ !”

“I won’t leave you, Henry,” Regina’s face was a mask of anguish, “I’m here, Henry, I won’t go anywhere… I’m so sorry…”

“H-how could you think I didn’t need you?” he finally looked at her through reddened eyes. There were bags under his otherwise youthful face, and his skin was wet with tears, mucus and saliva; Regina picked up a sheet and wiped his face.

“I wasn’t thinking, Henry… I’m sorry… I was, I was so lonely, and desperate, I…” she what? She had planned it for two weeks. Two weeks in which she had seen him once, walking down the street, two weeks in which she had found out about the heroic act of Emma saving Marian.

Two weeks she had missed work, and had not left the house. Two weeks in which she had a taste of her life in the Enchanted Forest, and all be damned, she would not go back to it.

“I didn’t know another way,” she finally said, taking his face in both of her hands. “I’m sorry, Henry…”

“O-other way to what, mommy?” It had been so long since he had called her that way. His eyes shone as they did when he had fallen and gotten a scratch, and only she knew how to make him feel better.

She shook her head. A way to what indeed? “I didn’t know another way to fix myself…” she sniffed, suddenly grasping him hard. How could she have thought about letting him go, how could she do this to him? She was a monster. Her howls and sobs could be heard down the hallway, her apologies, and cries, and promises.

They kept crying for quite some time, the two of them. It had been just them for such a long time.

“I don’t want you fixed, you are perfect the way you are, you’re my mom, you’re my hero…” he said with a dying sob, his head now resting on her chest, arms around her waist. He felt 5 years old again, when only mom could chase the storms away.

Regina cried herself to sleep, holding Henry tight, the medication had not worn off, but in her sleep she still whimpered so Henry stayed with her, shaking her gently every time she did, whispering to her sweet words, and telling her stories that he made up in his mind, where Regina, the brave sorceress, saved entire realms and a little boy, from ogres and flying immortals and shadows.

It was dark when she woke up, and Henry was gone. Emma had probably pried him away, and probably not without fight. She pushed herself up on the bed and disconnected the tubes dripping liquid into her body. She reached for a pitcher of water next to her bed and poured herself a glass, then drank it all, twice.

She glanced at the door in the room, a bathroom, which she desperately needed to use, with a small wave of her hand she finished disconnecting the medical instruments and slowly pushed herself out of bed, slowly making her way to the bathroom. How long had she been asleep?

“R’geena? R’geena?” Robin’s voice sounded frantic from the other side of the bathroom door.

“Yes?” Regina called back, finishing up and flushing, then moved to wash her hands, her eyes falling on the tiny mirror just ahead of her. She looked like shit.

“Oh god!” the man’s voice sounded relieved. “I thought you were gone! I just went to have some coffee. Are you alright? Do you need help? Did you take your IV off? Does it hurt?” He was hovering around her.

Regina had left the bathroom door ajar, and when she finally opened it, she saw the look she had seen on so many people, fear, and anxiety and desperation in his eyes. She lowered her eyes. “Could you help me back to bed, please? Better yet, help me get home.”

“Dr. Whale has yet to say you can leave,” he said, taking her by the arm and leading her to the bed and up, covering her then with the bedsheet and a warm quilt Snow had brought. “But I’ll ask him in the morning. Meanwhile, I can sleep here with you, if you let me.”

“He’s not really a doctor,” Regina said, “and I’m sure he can give me whatever these bags are at home… I miss home, Robin, please…”

“Okay, okay,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I’ll go find him right now, so he can discharge you. Alright? Just stay here, I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

Regina nodded, sitting up again, restless and waited.

About 20 minutes later Dr. Whale entered the room, white coat over his pajamas.

“I fetched him from his home,” Robin announced, proud.

“Yeah yeah you did,” Whale yawned, moving to Regina. “Do you feel drowsy? Dizzy? Nauseated?” He checked on her eyes with a penlight.

“Thank you, lo- Robin. I feel guilty, terrible and stupid,” Regina said, shying away from the light.

“No need, there are many reasons for such a resolution. Anyway, Regina, I’m not here to judge, I’m just trying to assert if you can go home, so I can, too,” Whale turned to look at Robin, then back at his patient.

“Stomach pain? Throat soreness? We had to give you a stomach wash.”

Regina groaned. “I’m fine, damn it. No pain, no aches, no dizziness, just a lot of frustration. With you.” She gave him the Evil Queen’s trademark glare.

“Not my fault,” the doctor said nonchalantly, then looked at her in the eye. “Will you try this again?” His question was straight, flat.

“You know I can just purple-haze myself out of here, right?”

“Cooperate, Madam Mayor,” Whale checked her blood pressure. “And I’ll give you back your nice pumps and dress.”

Robin just crossed his arms in front of him, shifting nervously.

“I won’t try it again.”

“Then you can leave,” Whale declared, then turned to Robin. “Just make sure she has someone to rely on, at least for the next few weeks.”

“I won’t leave her side, doctor,” Robin raised his chin, puffing his chest.

Regina slipped out of bed again and surrounded herself with purple smoke, she was clad in jeans and a loose sweater. She reached out to Robin, taking his arm for support.

“Let’s go home, love,” he placed an arm around her, his hand on hers, and a kiss on her temple. “Roland is staying with my men. He’ll be fine, and Henry is at home too. I made him take a break, so he decided to go there. You can see him as soon as we get there.”

“Robin… I… I can’t…” she looked up at him, guilt in her eyes, she felt so overwhelmed.

“Then you won’t,” he smiled for her. “He must be asleep anyway. Come on, let’s get going.”

Regina let him guide her, but became tired pretty quickly, asking him to stop twice along the way so she could rest. “How long was I asleep?”

“Just the day, love, perhaps 22, 23 hours, here, let me,” he scooped her up with care and started walking to the street, where Emma’s bug was parked.

“Emma lent me her car, I think I already know how to use it.”

“Well,” Regina paused, “I can’t say I’m afraid you’ll kill me.”

Robin didn’t laugh, but he did look away, trying to hide his pain. He grabbed her belongings from the reception and took her to the vehicle, helping her get in and closing the door for her, then he got in himself and started the engine, driving them to Regina’s home.

She gazed out the window the entire ride there, the rain had begun to fall softly on them again when they reached her house. The mere sight of it brought her comfort, she opened the door to get out but Robin was faster, being at her side at once, helping her out.

“Thank you,” Regina mumbled, leaning against him heavily as they made their way up to her bedroom and she let herself fall on the bed.

“Robin?” she spoke up again after a few moments.

“Yes, love?” he was kneeling next to her, ready at her command.

“Would you have missed me?” the question was feeble, Regina’s voice unusually wavering.

“My darling,” his eyes shone as he caressed her face. “I would have followed you to the grave, if not for my son…”

Regina closed her eyes, throwing her arms around his neck, making him lose his balance and ended up on top of him on the floor. “Why didn’t you come see me, Robin? Why didn’t you call me?”

“I… I didn’t want to make it harder for us, R’geena… you were so hurt, and I thought, I thought I was sparing you from pain. I didn’t know, my love, I didn’t know that you felt so alone. I won’t ever forgive myself. Please, tell me I didn’t push you to this…”

Regina wished she could pinpoint to an exact reason. She shook her head. “You didn’t…” she finally said, “I… I wish I  _ had  _ not woken up. I don’t know what’s worse…” she said, closing her eyes, but he held her against him, chasing his own tears away and they lay there, on the floor, rooted by their sorrow.

“R’geena… love, I won’t tell you that you have so much to live for, sweetheart. I know you can’t see it right now, but I’ll be by your side, no matter what, until you one day can feel it, that it’s worth staying here.”

Regina lifted herself off the floor and removed her coat and dress, opting for a pair of yoga pants and a black tanktop. She slipped into bed. How could he think things would get better for her?

Robin stayed on the ground for some moments, watching her actions, and waited until she was lying down. He, careful, sat up, then slowly rested his body next to hers, bringing her to him.

“I’d like to hold you tonight, If you allow me, M’lady…”

"I don't know if that's a good idea..." the brunette murmured. She could feel herself shutting down again.

“Please,” he begged, his voice a whisper. “I left you alone before, because I thought that’s what you needed, but I won’t make the same mistake again, R’geena.”

After a few moments, she finally nodded. She wouldn't get used to it anyway, not this time.

Robin thanked the stars for the tiny victory and hugged her closer, trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible as he kissed the top of her head, eyes closed.

“I know you said you only wanted me as your friend, and I respect whatever you need,” he stroked her arm, “but know that my heart will always be yours.”

"No need, Robin. You made your choice."

“I did, it’s you,” he pressed his lips together.

Regina shook her head, but was exhausted, no matter how long he'd said she had slept. "Haven't you heard who I am?" She said with some dark humour, "the miller's daughter's daughter, the evil queen. Just... listen," she sighed, "I'm not..." she paused again, "Just tonight, and then you'll go back to your family."

“All I know is that you are my R’geena, and that’s all that matters to me,” Robin snuggled her closer. “and we’ll see about tomorrow, hm? Just rest now. I’ll take care of you.”

Cause he was obviously good at it. Regina closed her eyes, though, and did enjoy his warmth. "Good night."

“Good night, M’lady.” But Robin didn’t sleep at all. He kept attentive to her breathing, to her chest rising and falling, assuring him that she was truly there, that she had not abandoned him.

Images of her, lying on the forest ground filled his mind’s eye; he had run to her and she was so cold, her skin gaining a purplish hue, either from the cold, or whatever she had done to herself, and he had run with her in arms, calling for her like a mad man, and he hadn’t know when, he hadn’t known who, but someone was trying to snatch her from his arms, but he wouldn’t let anyone take her away from him, so he held onto his Regina, and held, and arms were still trying to pry her away from him, and someone held him down, and she was taken as Robin yelled, as sanity left him and then he saw them, running with her into a car and…

He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that. For a second there he had honestly believed that she had died, and in that moment, he knew that nothing, nothing would heal the void that she would leave.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can bear with me on the angst, I promise it'll be worth it. :)

          When Regina woke up, she slipped gently out of his arms and padded towards the bedroom window. The rain hadn't stopped, and neither had the pitter patter, or her heart from aching, or the desire to be gone. She lowered her eyes. If only it were that simple.

Noises came from the lower floor, like tin echoing from the kitchen, and Robin sat up with a jump, looking around frantic, until his eyes rested on Regina.

"Love? Are you okay?"

The brunette nodded, eyes lost out in her apple tree when the noise downstairs was heard again.

"What is that," she sighed, she didn't want to deal with anyone else right now.

"I'll go check." Robin put his shoes on, made himself decent and followed the noise to find Henry, hard-working in the kitchen, breakfast cooking in the process among a pile of spilled ingredients and dirty dishes.

"Hey, Henry," Robin approached him.

"H-how's mom?" The teen asked, his face set in worry. "I... I'm making breakfast for her."

"Trying to feel useful, huh?"

Henry shrugged, then kept scrambling the omelette to be.

Regina stepped into the kitchen. It was unusual for her to come out of her bedroom not dressed, no make up, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Hello Henry," the woman muttered, filling the kettle on the water tap, then thought better of it and waved a hand, a cup of tea appearing in the other and she sipped it.

She would try again, she knew it in that moment. There was no more joy for her to feel.

“Mom,” the teen’s face split into a smile and he went to her, taking her by the arm softly and leading her to sit on a chair, then, clumsily, pushed a plate with toast in front of her, and ran to the pantry to retrieve some honey, which he also placed on the table as Robin watched, leaning against the counter, an arm over his waist, his elbow on it as he stroked his beard with a worried face.

“I made you breakfast, your omelette will be ready in a minute. What can I get you? Do you need something?”

"I'm not hungry sweetheart, thank you," she said, sipping her tea, "you and Robin eat, I'll be upstairs."

The kid was at her side in a second, flailing almost as he tried to help her get up, a hand under her arm. “Let me take you. Do you want something to read? A book? A magazine? What if we watch a movie?”

Robin’s heart was breaking.

“I just need to sleep,” Regina said, gently taking his arm off of her, the regret she had felt at the hospital had completely abandoned her, and she felt in a state of emptiness. She lifted herself off the chair alone and made her way upstairs.

Henry watched her go in silence, then fell on the chair, defeated and Robin walked to him, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“It’s like she doesn’t even care,” he mumbled.

“We need to give her time, and support, Henry,” Robin sighed, looking at the stairs as well.

“Why did she want to die, Robin?” the boy looked up. “Am I not enough? Is she really so sad that she prefers to leave us?”

The man took a seat, joining his hands, his mustache twitching as he pondered the question.

“Sometimes,” he shook his head, “sometimes the world plays you in such a way, that all you can see at the moment is your current pain, Henry, and all the other things that make you happy, that you love, they go like, like if they were behind this screen of smoke, and you can’t see them. It’s like if you were so cold, that even you stopped feeling it, because you are numb, so, nothing seems to matter, and if nothing matters, what’s there to live for?”

“But it’s not true!” Henry’s face was contorted with confusion. “She matters! She’s my mom! I love her! How can I make her see?”

Robin wished he knew the answer. He wished it so bad.

“We won’t leave her alone, we won’t let her feel alone ever again.”

Regina lay in bed motionless, her eyes dancing over the ceiling finding the shapes there. She had once loved this house, when she had first arrived nearly 30 years ago. That was a lifetime. If she could hang to a sliver of anger, perhaps things would be different, but she was done with anger, and with everything she had ever known when she had first arrived at Storybrooke. Perhaps this place was sucking everything out of her, it had already sucked out her true love from right under her nose, and her child, her mother had died there, she had killed her father to go there.

She lit a fireball and thought for a while about just setting the bed of fire, tying herself up and using a restraining spell on herself, that way she would not instinctively run and no one could remove her. Perhaps when they were gone, Henry and Robin, she would try that.

“You’re back,” Rumple’s ghost floated next to her. “But for how long?”

Regina sighed. He was only adding to her anguish. She purple-hazed herself to her crypt, that special room she had hidden, but was immediately brought back, she frowned, then tried it again, and this time it worked. She would not be bound to that house, and her crypt was the closest thing she had to the Enchanted Forest.

She stepped into the adjacent room, where she had a small bed, and a few other things she had brought with her and laid down, waving a hand to put out the candles.

A few hours went by and she had fallen asleep, when she woke up she found herself in darkness. It hadn’t occurred to her that Robin and Henry might look for her, but now that it did cross her mind, it didn’t seem to matter. Selfish, the lot of them. Now that she wanted to leave them alone for good, they didn’t want her to, it was only okay if they were away, careless of what she felt, but alive, in case she was ever necessary. She turned her face away from the door, which she had been watching, expecting something, she realized now, and buried her cheek on the soft pillow, the sobs wracking her body at last. Why did they save her? Why wouldn’t they let her rest? Why couldn’t they just let her be? Why did she feel like she owed them something?

All she had wanted was to reunite with her father, and Daniel, somewhere far away from judgment, and the people who had celebrated when they found out of her suicide attempt.

But they had been right, it was a long time coming, and she did deserve it, and only few would miss her.

She would try again indeed, if she could bring herself the will to move.

Emma and the Charmings had been to Regina’s home earlier, wanting to know how she was, seeing if they could do anything, but Robin told them that she didn’t want to see anyone, so they had left and taken Henry and Roland for a while, the boy looked aghast and Emma had wanted to get him to talk; he was pretty traumatized himself.

Robin made a mental note to get Archie to talk to Regina as soon as possible, but in the meantime, he picked up the tray with orange juice, tea and a sandwich.

“R’geena?” he called, opening the door with his shoulder, but found the room empty.

He cursed.

 

            Twenty minutes later he was outside Regina’s crypt. He knew this is where she would come. He went inside, looking for her, and went into that secret room she had shown him; he hadn’t known at the time, but that was precious knowledge, what she gave him, and there he saw her, laying, quiet, her stare dry and unmoving.

“Love,” he called, approaching her, but the woman’s only response was to shut her eyes, then opened them again, finally looking at his chest.

“I wanted to be alone. Rumpel won’t give me a quiet moment.”

Robin wasn’t sure what she meant exactly, but let it slip for now. He took a seat on one of the wooden trunks she kept around. “Is this why you came here?” he asked softly.

“Yes, I’m sick of that imp,” the woman mumbled, reaching out to a large wooden chest next to the bed and took a cup of tea she had set there. Her stomach felt acrid, and raw, just as other areas of her body. She felt weak. She sipped her tea. “I don’t think I’ll go back there. A cemetery seems fitting enough for me.”

Robin’s chest filled with anguish at her words, at the double entendre she was surely slipping in between. He was lost, but he couldn’t give himself the luxury to give into his desperation.

“You can always come with me,” he said tentatively. He had finally got an apartment for him and Roland not long ago; his little boy couldn’t live on the forests forever.

Regina snorted humorless. “Sure, and maybe then Marian and I can take turns using the kitchen and paying the cable bill.”

Robin didn’t think the news about Marian were going to make Regina feel any better.

“She is not in my life, Regina. Marian… she is not in my life, or in Roland’s. Will you come home with me?”

“No,” she shook her head, “I already made the mistake of getting used to having you around once, it won’t happen to me again.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Robin tried to put his heart in every word.

“I believed that the first time,” she said, “but you’re a liar. You lied to me, you took Roland from my side, and you swore we would still be friends, that you’d be there, and weeks passed and I didn’t hear from you, so I accepted the fact that you were moving on with your life and taking care of your family, and that was it, I moved on, too. I don’t feel anything for you, and I don’t care if you leave or stay, but would prefer that you leave.”

“Then I will stay,” he stated, then kept quiet as he tried to control his emotions. It was all so much, he felt like drowning himself, like if the weight of the world was weighing down on them all, like a heavy blanket, the kind that didn’t let you move at night.

“You are mistaken, R’geena,” he said at last. “I stayed away so I wouldn’t hurt you. Who wants to see someone who just broke their hear-”

“I was mistaken to find you in the woods that night, and kiss you. I was mistaken to trust you with my heart back then. I should have done what I did thirty years ago and walk away from you and your stupid tattoo. For all I care, you can go take care of Marian, I’m sure she needs you more than I do, or go see your actual friends, in the woods, or wherever they are. Don’t waste your time with a lost cause,” she had tried to stand up but she was dizzy and sat back against the headboard of her bed, her voice had been soft, “go steal something, or something.”

“I won’t go,” he was at her side at once, easing her back. “I won’t go.”

“Suit yourself,” the brunette said, closing her eyes, and remained unmoving for a long time and so did he, just keeping silent guard over her.

She glanced at him from time to time, not with her eyes but with her senses, felt his sorrow, almost match her own, but in a different way. She opened the chest and withdrew a pad of parchment and cut coal, and began to draw him, there, sitting on the wood leaning back against the cold stone wall with his eyes closed. The shadows created by the candlelight danced on his face, taking on different shapes, making him look different from one second to the next. She worked for a while, the charcoal gliding along the piece of parchment easily.

She drew herself in his arms, lifeless, hanging off his body, walking away from the river. She honestly hadn’t meant to, but there she was now, drawing the forest around them, the glare from the water.

The drawing was the queen, the long dress gave it away, the look of death upon her face, her distorted version of herself, then she drew the boys, Henry and Roland, trailing after them, and tears stained her face. There it was. Her family portrait. The only one she’d ever have.

A stir, and Robin opened his eyes, rubbing the sleep from them. He looked for her gaze. “Sorry, love. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes,” me mumbled, getting up. “We’ve been here a while, and you haven’t eaten anything. What would you like to have?”

He looked at her hands and the piece of paper there, though he couldn’t make out what she had drawn there.

“I’m not hungry,” Regina said, adding final touches to her parchment, wiping the fresh tears off her face and Robin approached her, repeating the task, raising her face to him.

“I know you aren’t, but please, could you eat? Just a bit, fruit if you want, anything,” he hoped his voice didn’t sound as worried as it was.

“No,” the woman said, “I don’t want to eat.”

“If I bring you something, will you consider it? Water at least? Tea? What about some grapes? An apple?” he insisted.

“If I want something, I will make it appear, I don’t need your help.”

“Could I have then, some fruit for myself?” he requested, putting on his puppy face. He actually was hungry, it was probably past 8 p.m. He just didn’t want to leave her alone.

The brunette waved her arm, but all that appeared was a plate, she groaned in frustration and tried it again, searching deep within her for the magic to create food, and when she waved her arm a third time, she finally was able to conjure up fruits and cheese and crackers.

Robin thanked her, and took a banana, practically devouring it whole.

“Is it hard to concentrate? To do magic?” he asked when he started with a pear.

“Magic comes from within,” Regina explained, continuing her work on the drawing, “it comes from a want, or a need.”

“And you feel nothing,” he mumbled as he turned a cracker between his fingers. “You… you really have no wish to do anything. Do you?”

Regina set her drawing on the bed, the charcoal remnants staining her face as she passed a hand through to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I… don’t.”

“You don’t know how to get back that energy either…” Robin wasn’t sure if he was asking her, or if he was answering to himself.

“I don’t want it back,” she said, then shook her head, moving to lay back down, facing away from him.

"Are you afraid?" Emma asked Snow after Henry had finally fallen asleep, receiving a nod from the other woman.

"When you have darkness in your heart, and light, and they combine, I think everything becomes grey, senseless, and one will win out."

"You think she will go evil," Emma stated, but Snow shook her head. "Evil, or good, or death. One will win out, and Regina is helping the third. I'm afraid she will try again. Emma we took Henry from her, we should have encouraged him to visit her, invited her to more gatherings, I don't know."

"No, this is not our fault, she made a choice, we couldn't have imagined," she said, shaking her head.

"We could have," Snow said, "if we had paid attention. She is family."

"Not my family, look how she hurt Henry."

"She's MY family," Snow scolded her daughter, "she's my stepmother, still the only mother I have known, and she's Henry's, too. You would help them both by understanding that and hope that one day she'll pull through this."

“Not to mention that we need her,” David said, “she’s powerful, and if new threats come our way, and she is not here to fight alongside us, who knows what could happen.”

Emma nodded. "I'm gonna go check on Henry, see you later."

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Snow turned to Charming after Emma had gone, “she’s a person, not just… she’s more than her powers,” Snow shook her head, gazing at David with disappointment in her eyes.

“Snow, I didn’t mean that, it’s just, I don’t know what to make of all this, and we do need her,” David said.

“To fight with us?” Snow asked, expecting a different answer, but he nodded.

“I can’t believe you, David.”

“Snow, I don’t know what you want me to say, you’re right, if we had wanted her to be involved in our lives more than that, we could have reached out to her more, invited her on our outings, or dinner every now and then,” he said, “I just thought we were all on the same boat.”

Snow shook her head.

“She’s proven to us time and time again that she has changed, and this is what we do.”

“She changed for herself,” David said, “not for us. How many times did she try to kill us, and we’re supposed to feel guilty because she can’t live with herself for it?”

“I’m done having this conversation,” Snow said, “seriously.”

“And what about Robin? _He_ left her,” David followed Snow through their living room and into the kitchen.

“We’re all at fault, he’s not exempt.” Snow’s answer was simple.

“We can’t be responsible for what she does, Snow, we can’t, you can’t keep feeling guilty for what you did to her all those years ago.”

“That’s not what this is about!” Snow snapped, turning to face him, “Regina and I talked about that, we fixed it, in her own way she forgave me, this has nothing to do with the past, but with the present. You are so blind sometimes, David. I need space.”

“Fine,” the man said, “look at her, trying to keep us apart again. She’s the reason you’re like this.”

Snow shook her head, turning to look at him again, then turned her head and made her way upstairs, to check on both Henry and Emma.

 

            The brunette left Robin in the hidden room, and paced around her vault, looking at the boxes she kept inside it, the beating hearts were gone, to a hopefully better place. She had used powerful sorcery to send them back to the people they belonged to, who were hopefully now having a better time than she was in living death.

She picked up a black pouch and then did it, her arm ripped into her chest and she pulled out her heart, it was still darker than most, a deep crimson, but it also glowed more, and some of the darkness in it had dissipated.

Regina breathed out, somewhat in relief, finally calming down the pain she felt, although not completely. She placed her heart in the pouch, then a thought occurred to her. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? Instead of taking this realm’s useless medicine for lack of proper magical ingredients, why hadn’t she simply crushed her own heart?

Regina began to squeeze gently, and she could feel the grip of her own dark magic. She shut her eyes tightly and whimpered. Her fingers were sweaty and her heart was warm, palpitating against her fingers, as if trying to break free. It beat faster and faster and she squeezed harder, much harder. It was easier to kill others, but her heart was indeed the most resilient she had ever tried to crush. At least _that_ hadn’t been a lie, when she was told she had the most resilient heart.

“Regina!” a high pitched voice called after her, and someone was taking her hand, prying her fingers open, and her own heart was snatched from her.

Regina turned to see Snow standing there, eyes wide, glassy, her face a mask of fear as she looked at her, mouth agape, head shaking. “What were you doing!”

"Not killing someone if that's what you're asking," Regina snatched back her heart and placed it in the pouch.

“Regina,” Snow stood in front of her, placing her hands on top of hers, still holding the item. “That’s your own heart. Do you think I wouldn’t recognize it?” How not to? It had been Snow the one to convince the Queen to keep it in her chest when they thought they had lost Henry and Emma forever.

“Why?” her face was marred with pain, eyes searching for an answer in her stepmother’s brown ones.

"You're asking the wrong question Snow, the question is _why not_? And before you start," Regina lifted her arm, "it's rhetorical, I don’t want to hear it," the brunette shoved her heart back into her chest with a whimper, and immediately felt the weight of the world on her again.

“But you will, anyway,” the pixie haired brunette held her by the shoulders as the woman crunched with pain. “Regina, you are not alone, you’ve come so far! Henry adores you! And… and I care about you, a lot, despite everything that happened afterwards, I grew up seeing you as a mother, and I’ll never forget how you spared me the suffering of knowing that my mistake had taken Daniel away from you… you can’t give up. You are loved, you have so much to live for. And I really need to ask, _why_ , Regina? What is hurting you so much that you want to leave? Is it so bad that it has no way to be improved in anyway?”

Regina took a step back and turned away, her back to Snow.

"I don't have a big speech, or a big reason, Snow. It's my time. That's why."

“It’s _not_ your time,” Snow’s voice was pleading. “I know you feel lonely, that maybe you don’t have a place in the world, but, Regina, there are people out there who really have no place, and life has a way to take them somewhere else, but you are here, despite everything that has happened to you, you _are_ here, after facing the most mortal enemies and dangers. You can’t give up.”

"I'm here because I taught Emma how to cast a locator spell," Regina said, "and because of all those tubes in the hospital."

“That means we care. Because your place is still here, with us. Regina, I care, I really do…” Snow walked around Regina and stood in front of her, her arms crossed over her chest, eyes big.

Regina produced a fireball in her hand, made it float around the room to each candle there, lighting them. "I will say the same thing I told Robin: don't waste your time on a lost cause."

Then, Snow white did something she hadn’t done again since her father’s funeral. she brought Regina to her, hugging her tightly. “Your life is not a lost cause. It’s precious. I won’t give up. Robin won’t give up. _Henry_ won’t give up, not on you. He never did, and he never will.”

Regina sighed, closing her eyes. No one understood her, everyone just wanted to fix her, as if this was a battle they could fight. A curse or some kind of an evil spell. It was not, it was her, she was grey inside, and no one could fix it, and no one could fight it, it simply was how it was. It was a long time coming, and like every book it needed an end. Perhaps, perhaps if she turned evil again, if she somehow found a way to make herself the dark one, people would finally understand that all she wanted was to be alone.

“Come,” Snow pulled Regina gently from her arm. “Have you eaten? Let me do something for you.”

“I ate,” Regina said, pulling away from Snow, “I’ll be fine.”

“She didn’t eat,” Robin emerged from the other room and Snow tilted her head, raising an eyebrow at Regina.

“But she will eat now.”

Regina rolled her eyes and turned on her heel, heading back into the other room. “Why does everyone suddenly want to have a party at _my_ crypt. Robin, I will gladly let you stay, but make her leave, or I’ll leave.”

“Because we fucked up!” Snow yelled and Robin turned to her. He had never, ever heard her utter such a word. “We fucked up, Regina, so bad.”

Regina looked to Snow briefly. “Ah, there it is. You feel guilty,” she nodded, “let me tell you something, this has nothing to do with you. No need to make up for anything. _Goodbye_ , Snow.”

“I know it has nothing to do with me and my guilt can be put aside,” the younger woman gave a step to the front, her hand raised, as if trying to stop Regina by pure will. “It has to do with _you_. You did so much, you defeated your darkness, became a hero on your own, and… and what we did to you, it’s not fair, but if you die… then there is nothing there to give you, and Regina… you deserve better,” but Regina was gone halfway through Snow White’s speech, laying in bed. She heard what Snow said, but it didn’t seem to make sense.

She mulled over her words, and Robin’s, she was growing a rapid headache, she was confused. If she deserved better, if they _thought_ she deserved better, why didn’t they… she had gone over that in her head countless times. It was always easier to believe the bad things people thought, and said.

 

            “We can’t leave her alone,” Snow passed her fingers through her head, pulling from it.

“That’s why I’ve been here,” Robin mumbled.

“And she almost crushed her heart under your very nose!” Snow yelled, frowning, arms spread, then she gave a step back, covering her face. “Sorry, Robin.”

“You are right, but I’m out of ideas,” he closed his eyes, slumping his shoulders. “I can’t keep watching her like this. the more I try to be with her, the more she gets away from me and I’m so scared, Snow, so scared that she’ll finally have had enough and disappear, and we’ll find her later…” he swallowed, “and she’ll be…”

“Don’t even say it.” Snow hugged herself, closing her eyes, but she knew Robin was right. If Regina really wanted it, she would end her life at any given time, just as easy. The woman was a living weapon.

“I just don’t know what to do, Snow. If she leaves, then I…” He thought for a moment. “I’d only stay because of Roland, otherwise I’d follow her.”

“That’s…” ridiculous? Wouldn’t she do the same for David, if not for her family?

But Regina _did_ have a family! Even if she didn’t seem to be able to see it at the moment.

“The important thing now, is that we have to support her, however we can, however she needs it, but we can’t let her _feel_ alone, because she’s not,” the brunette sighed. “Perhaps Archie can help her, help us all.”

Robin nodded.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, all the angst. I promise it'll be worth it. ♥

           A few weeks passed, three weeks to be exact, and Regina had turned the crypt into her living quarters, added an underground floor, and moved everything that was in her way down there. freeing the space at the ground level for a makeshift home. She kept the essentials and sealed the entrance with magic, so nothing could get in, especially the idiotic dead imp. Henry was allowed to visit, so was Roland, but everyone else was shut out.

Sometimes both boys would come over, although it seemed eerie for two young boys their age to visit the cemetery so often.

On a particular day, she found the need for fresh air and wandered out, walking about the tombstones, looking at each one, reminiscing.

“M’lady,” Robin was at her side in a few strides and he offered her his arm, which she took after a moment of hesitation and he started walking along her between the tombs, in silence, placing his other hand on top of the one of hers resting on his arm.

She stopped in front of a particular tombstone. “Do you ever wonder what’s buried in these graves?” she waved an arm in front of her, and all the names scrambled, then changed to dates.

“Feelings,” Robin said, unquestioning her. “Memories. A place where we can concentrate all what we have and feel for those who left us, so, each time we visit, a little of that pain stays behind, until the pain of loss stops being an unbearable throb, and instead it becomes a scar that stings once in a while.”

“Some things you lose, and some things you just give away…” Regina nodded faintly, “these are all my giveaways.”

“What do you mean?’ he asked.

Regina shook her head. “No matter,” she said after a moment, continuing their walk. “Roland is getting so big.”

“He is,” Robin let go of the subject for the moment. “He’ll be starting school this fall. He’s excited. He… he asked me if you’d take him the first day.”

Regina looked shocked for a brief moment, but hid it well with a soft smile. “I remember Henry’s first day, at school, it felt as if he suddenly wasn’t a little boy anymore, it was hard to watch him go in, all alone to face the world. I myself had a tutor, who came to our home and taught me.”

“He’s growing up too, he’ll be a young man in no time, and he’s such a brave person. You must feel very proud of him, R’geena,” Robin smiled for her.

“I’m sure his mother does,” the brunette said, nodding.

“She does,  _ too, _ ” Robin squeezed her hand. “He is lucky to have  _ two _ mothers. So, will you grant Roland’s wish, love?”

Regina nodded, releasing her arm from his, and after a moment, took his hand instead and Robin felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time, not since he had found her in the woods; hope. He squeezed her hand, smiling.

“Let us do something, whatever you like. Would you fancy a walk in the woods? Perhaps I could cook you something rustic. Or I could read to you, or just talk. What would you prefer, M’lady?”

“We  _ are  _ doing something,” she looked up at him, her hair was longer, just below her shoulders, and pulled back, her bangs brushed to one side, and her make up was minimal, perhaps she wasn’t wearing any. “ _ Can  _ you read?” she gave him a small playful smirk.

“That I can. I must have paid a tutor too, with pinecones, you know,” he smirked back, resting his forehead against hers for a second.

She closed her eyes, a surge suddenly running through her body, like the very first time they kissed, only stronger, it shot right through her heart, suddenly engulfing her entire body. “I… I have to go.”

However, Robin caught her arm, then her hand. “No, R’geena, love, please, don’t go…” his voice sounded forlorn, his eyes were prayers.

Regina opened her eyes, her forehead still pressed against his and the look in his eyes nearly floored her. “Don’t do this, Robin…”

“What am I doing, R’geena?” His question was honest, eyes still pouring his love like a mantra.

She parted her lips to say something, anything, but it was only a soft croak that she uttered, his eyes were like a maze, so easy to get lost in, so hard to get away, and then she felt it; the soft contact of his lips, barely pressing on hers, his hand cupping her cheek and crawling until he secured her by the nape, gentle, careful, and then he deepened the kiss, just enough to softly suck on her lower lip.

She moaned softly, the contact sending shivers down her spine and her hands moved to his waist out of their own will, she allowed him to kiss her for several moments, relishing in the very much needed physical contact, and when she realized what was happening, she pulled away, as if burned, but at some point, he had surrounded her waist with his arm, pulling her to him.

“R’geena…” he sighed her name. “I love you, I love you so much. I miss you. Don’t you miss me too?”

Regina frowned softly, her eyes tormented, as if she was battling herself, and in the end, she pounced on him, her lips on his fiercely, kissing hard, biting his flesh, desperate hands clawing at the back of his neck, his back. “I miss you…”

“I’m here. I told you. I’m not going anywhere,” he said between kisses, hugging her tighter to him, his hand on her cheek, her nape, her cheek again, as if unable to get enough from her, as if Regina’s mouth was air, and he had been about to asphyxiate, and she reciprocated, pulling him tighter against her, pushing him into a tree and pressed him against it tightly. She knew she should pull away, say she didn’t mean it, stop opening herself up for heartbreak, but she was weak, and stupid, and his hands on her weren’t helping.

Robin stroked her back, pressing her, bringing her closer, feeling her breasts against his chest, her kisses. Regina Mills did not kiss, she engulfed you with a mouthful of your very soul. He lowered his hands with wide circles and he grasped her hips, making her press against his pelvis, so she knew what she was doing to him, and she knew, instantly, it pressed ceremoniously against her stomach and she moaned, feeling herself turn to liquid.

“Robin…” she whimpered, pressing to him tighter, her hand coming between them, stroking him there, palming him hard, rubbing him feverishly, making him groan. It had been so long for him, but he had been so worried about her that he hadn’t noticed, until now.

“Love…” he moaned, closing his eyes. “Maybe we should, are you sure you want this? I don’t want to pressure you…”

“What?” she shook her head, as if to dissuade some of her haze, “you want more pressure?” she pressed her palm harder against his penis. “like this?”

Robin gritted his teeth, his erection almost painful against his pants. He looked at her, trying to find his answer, and her face was contorted in lust, her eyes at half mast and her mouth hung open, and suddenly his eyes found hers, full of desire. “I need you…” she sighed, kissing him deeply.

“I’m here, R’geena, I’m here,” he said fervently, his fingers burying in her hair. “Should we…” he tilted his head towards the crypt.

She nodded, almost frantically, taking his hand and leading him there between passionate kisses and caresses. "Need you... in me..." she moaned between bites at his bottom lip.

Her words did things to Robin, and he simply picked her up, his eyes fixed on hers as he walked the last meters to the vault, and in no time they were in the underground room, where he set her on the ground, only to pick her up again by her ass, pressing her against a wall, his lips passionate on hers, sucking, biting, licking, asking for access.

She opened her mouth for him, gave herself into it, she didn't think, didn't feel anything but lust and love and the need to be his.

"Have me, Robin, please... just take over... I-I can't do it anymore..." she groaned, arms at his back, pulling him closer.

Do what? Robin almost stopped, but her need was so consuming. He’d give to her whatever she wanted, whatever she asked, it would be hers at once.

The man pulled her dress up, hooking his fingers on her underwear, lowering it until it pooled on her feet, then brought himself out. He made her wrap her legs around him so he could roam her breasts, her ass, her thighs and he started rubbing himself against her moist, hot core.

“My Queen,” he groaned. “Tell me what you want, and you shall have it.”

She rubbed hard against him, eyes shut tight and head thrown back. "Help me forget..." she moaned, "everything I was before... everything I did, and everything I felt... make me feel something different..."

“How can I?” he grabbed her thighs, spreading her a bit more and then touched her folds, feeling how wet she was, how ready. Robin placed his glans inside her, pressing, feeling how it popped inside her. “how can I make you forget what you are, if that’s what I love about you?”

He started slithering inside her, slowly, carefully, so she could feel him, spreading her flesh, building pressure little by little, filling her not only with his cock, but with all the love he felt for her, and finally, he was deep buried in her, feeling how she welcomed him completely and Robin sighed with satisfaction, with love, blissful of being joined to her again.

“I love all you were, all you are, and all you will be, R’geena…”

"How can I see through your eyes?" she moaned, and all thought was forgotten as she pressed against him tighter, the instant relief she felt, as if she's been missing a part of her body, she felt as though they truly were one. "I missed you inside me..."

“I miss all of you,” he grunted, pulling out, then driving into her again, pushing her body up, his mouth placing open, wet kisses on her neck, her shoulders, then down her breasts. Robin pulled out again and looked into her eyes, smiling before exploring her depths one more time. “I love you, I love to feel you taking me in…”

Regina cried out, holding onto him tight, holding his head close to her chest, then pressed her forehead against his, gazing into his eyes and kissed him harder than ever, more passionately than ever. "I love being with you, the way you make me feel... I'm so sorry, Robin, I am so sorry..."

“Don’t be, don’t ever be…” he kept thrusting with such care, such love. “Perhaps you needed to do that, perhaps now you can feel better. I’ll do everything I can, to be there for you.” He kissed her again, his eyes closed as he lost himself in her embrace, in the feeling of her walls, slick and warm.

"Robin..." Regina moaned out, her breath hitching as her walls began to pulsate, gripping and releasing him over and over, until at last, she clung to him, clawed at his back and he felt her, felt her spasms hugging him. Robin thrusted faster, deeper, clutching at her body as he came inside her.

“R’geena… gods!” he moaned through their orgasm.

She buried her face in his neck, holding him tight until her breathing stilled.

"We never quite make it to a bed," she lifted her face and gave him a gentle smile. "That was amazing, you've outdone yourself."

“M-me?” his breathing was harsh, his eyes full of love as he gazed into hers. “Love, you are the one who’s amazing,” he secured his grip on her and carried her to the bed indeed, letting her fall gently on it and he lay next to her, removing her bangs from her face. If only he could pour all his adoration in that touch. “I loved this. I miss you so much.”

She snuggled up to him and closed her eyes, afraid to say she loved him, but he had promised to be patient, and this was good for now.

"I'm seeing the cricket," she finally stated, "he told me you haven't been well yourself."

Robin didn’t hide his surprise, but he nodded, kissing her shoulder. “Yeah, I’m… I’ll be okay at some point, I’m sure. When did you start seeing Archie?”

"I started seeing him a few weeks ago," she nodded, "next week will be my first time seeing him in his office. Talk to me about you..." she kissed his chest, then the side of his neck tenderly.

"I'm, I'm..." a smile crawled to his face, and he kissed her, once, and again. "Right now I feel as if I had wings. R'geena, I'm so grateful that you're seeing Archie, and me..." he waved a hand, shaking his head. "I'm okay." He sat up, knees raised, arms over them. "Just, I'm a bit tired. Roland's been feeling it too, and," he considered if he should go ahead, but Regina did deserve honesty. "I've been having these nightmares. Of you, dead in my arms."

Regina sat up as well, her hands, which had been caressing his back, now moved to his torso and she pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “They’re only nightmares, Robin…” she said softly, “I-... I’m not going anywhere… I… I regret what I did, I mean… I don’t, honestly, I don’t, but I’m working through it… trying to see things differently. You… being there for me, it helps. I know you come by often, even if you don’t talk to me or see me, I know you come by and stay for a while, just watching over me, and I feel you close, even if you’re not next to me, I do feel you, and I feel safe…” she kissed his chin softly, rubbing her lips on the scruff there.

"R'geena..." Robin turned to her. There was so much to say, of pain and relief and of love, of so much love, but he didn't think the words existed to express it all, so, he hugged her to him. "I'll always be by your side. Thank you so much, for working through it. I know it can't be easy, my love."

Regina held him tight, for a long time. "If I can get that imp exorcised, I can then think about moving back home, although... I like it here, and I'm... just not ready to see people."

"You mean... Rumpel?" Robin raised an eyebrow. "His ghost is in your place? Well, my apartment is still at your disposition. Roland would love to have you. As so would I."

Regina smiled. "Maybe you two come live with me, it's closer to school and I have a lot of space..."

"We can do that, we'll rename your ghost to 'Casper'," he chuckled. "I've been watching a lot of cartoons with Roland." He sobered up, full of joy at this new development, and also guilt, as if perhaps it was too soon for there to be any laughter. “I'd like that, I really would."

Regina nodded, then slipped out of bed, shedding the rest of her clothes as she looked for a ritual book.

"That's why I did it at the river..." she said, "he wouldn't leave me alone, said we would spend eternity there together..."

He took a look at her body, she was skinnier, her skin paler. He would make sure to take care of her. Rightfully, this time. "Will you send him to the afterlife, then?"

Regina nodded, turning to face him and crawled up on the bed. "I will try..."

He opened his arms for her and considered his next words, held her closer.

"Marian is dead."

Regina lowered her eyes.

"The cricket told me, and Roland," she said faintly, "I... I don't think I can apologize enough for not being there for you..." she looked thoroughly ashamed.

"R'geena" he took her by the chin. "She was never here. After the frozen curse killed her... I found this necklace around her neck and when I removed it, she transformed, well, her body..."

"Was it..." she frowned, "was it my sister?"

"How did you..." he just clenched his jaw and nodded. "Yes."

Regina's eyes welled with tears. "That doesn't make sense, dark magic can't hurt her... Robin is she dead? Is my sister really dead?"

"I..." he frowned. "She had no pulse, she didn't breathe. Emma suggested we kept an eye on her body and we did, until it started to..." he made a face, choosing to spare her the details. "We had to bury the body after three days. Is ice magic dark?"

"The intention was..." Regina said, closing her eyes, then crawled up against him. It felt nice to be alone with him, naked, talking, the familiarity and intimacy felt delicious after so many weeks of torture.

"Can you... can you stay tonight? Just you and I... together, alone, possibly naked if you're a good boy..."

"I can," he kissed her forehead. "I'm sure Snow won't care if I ask her to have Roland for the night. He's fond of Henry."

She smiled, snuggling up to him, leaning against him heavily and paged through the book in silence, reaching for her glasses after a few moments. "Well, he should be... they were... almost like brothers when we thought things were becoming serious..."

"Things are serious," Robin raised an eyebrow, giving Regina a faux, confused look. "Don't you think you can get rid of me that easy. I'm just glad your house is big enough for us all."

Regina eyed him for a few moments. "Robin, I..." she bit the inside of her cheek, "I don't know about that..."

She had been the one to suggest it, Robin thought, but he would not pressure her. "Alright, love. We'll do this at your pace."

"I mean us... like you and me..." she sighed, then shook her head, "I just... I want to be enough for you... and for Roland..."

"And you believe you're not..."

Regina lowered her eyes, and set the book aside on the nightstand. "I am... resilient... and loving... I love my sons-" she caught herself, "I mean Roland and-and Henry, and..."  _ you _ .

"I love you too," Robin had caught her tone. "And... R'geena, no matter how you feel about yourself, you'll always be enough, and more, for us. We don't love you based on what we can get from you. True love is unconditional."

Regina smiled, hugging him tight. "Thank you... for saying that."

"My honor won't let me lie," he produced a dashing smile, and hugged her again, enjoying the contact of their bare skins.

"Honor?" she said playfully, "I think I just destroyed your honor against that wall," she pointed to it, "at least twice before..."

Robin made a shocked face, shaking his head. "You thief! I shall get it back. Where did you hide it, little rogue?" He raised her arm, sneaking his head against her torso, then turned her, as if she had something on her back, finally he took her ankle and pretended to look between her thighs as he started tickling her. "Will you return what's mine?"

"You can have it back if you want it, it's dripping down my thighs..." she spread her legs completely to show him that it indeed was, "but I'd rather keep it there for a while, feel marked..."

Robin swallowed, his eyes hungry on the offering.

"Gods, you're beautiful, you look amazing with my... honor there… coming out of you..."

"I prefer it coming inside me... or even on me... maybe you can cover me with it everywhere... my face... breasts... my tummy, my thighs... my mouth..."

His hard on was immediate, so much that it was almost painful. Robin kept fingering her almost methodically.

"I'm sure we can arrange that, M'lady, meanwhile let me admire you, bare and spread for me. Do you like that, R'geena? Being exposed and at my mercy?”

"I do, do with me what you will..." she sighed, laying back, legs spread wider and her offering almost made him cum.

Robin's hand, as large as it was, covered her vulva, massaging it with circular, slow strokes, with just the right pressure as he knelt next to her so he could kiss her lips, bite her collar bone, lick her breasts, getting each swell into his  mouth while he massaged, and massaged, letting one finger slip inside.

"Oh gods... Robin..." she moaned, writhing beneath his hand, "see what you do to me? How you have me? Wet and aching and at your mercy?"

"Woman..." he groaned. "And you, you're driving me mad with desire. It's taking everything I have so I don't ravage you in this very moment." He slipped a second finger inside, twisting deep, his mouth bathing her stomach with open kisses, sucking, leaving marks, his other hand squeezing her breasts. It was as if she were a marvelous instrument and he could play a masterpiece of her.

She moaned loudly, arching her back beneath his hands, it felt too good, so good.

"Robin, you make my pussy so wet... I'll do whatever you want... anything..."

"R'geena..." he felt feverish with lust. Robin took her by the waist and placed her on her four over the bed, bending her for him right at the perfect height for his cock to tease her folds, pushing against them hard as he grabbed her from her hair, pulling her head back slightly, not hard enough to hurt, just to have her feel it.

"I'll fuck you so hard,  _ M'lady _ ..." he bent over her, a hand around her waist, the other one supporting his weight.

"Will you ride me hard, love, make me your bitch?" Regina groaned, remembering the games they used to play, her voice begging him to take her, take control of all of her completely and her answer came as a powerful thrust, deep, so deep, that she had to hold on from the sheets.

"My bitch, my little sweet slut,"  he groaned, grabbing her hips to bury himself deeper, completely obliterating any empty space between them; not an easy task, Robin was quite big.

Regina's eyes rolled to the back of her head, head tilted back completely and she cried out lustfully, Robin had never spoken to her like that, no one had, but she suddenly found that she liked it in a flood of new moisture at her core.

"Filthy-mouthed thief..." she moaned out, "show some respect for your Queen..."

"I'll show you respect," he bit her neck, letting his weight fall on her, forcing her to lay down on the bed as he covered her with his body, his generous length allowing him to stay buried deep inside of her. He grasped one of her wrists against the mattress and sneaked his other hand below her, claiming a breast between his fingers, then he started thrusting.

"Is this enough respect for you? Or should I give you more?"

"More," the brunette was surprised by her own moan and beg, "more, more..." she cried out, "did you come or am I  _ that _ wet for you?"

"You just learned to be properly soaked for me, like a good girl," he bit her shoulder and pulled out completely to slither into her again; she was so aroused, her vagina and thighs so bathen that Robin had no problem repeating the maneuver, going completely into her, withdrawing himself whole, and stabbing her again, loving how her spreading walls received him each time.

A few more thrusts and Regina was trembling, writhing beneath him and clung to the headboard, attempting to rise her hips to meet his thrusts. "Roobiiiin....."

He felt her need, so, blindly, Robin searched for a pillow and stuffed it under her hips, raising her pelvis and he sneaked both arms around her to keep her steady, because Regina said she'd do anything, and he decided to let go, give himself with no barriers.

And it was good that he was holding her, because the way in which he started ramming into her could only be described as savage.

"Fuck! Reginaa!"

"God damn it, Robin Hood," the woman gritted her teeth, "this is delicious... I can't wait to feel your load so deep inside me..."

He wanted to respond, but he couldn't, not while he was reaching heaven. He shoved in, once, and again, and again. He took one leg and spread Regina for him, pinching her nipples.

The brunette bit the pillow, shutting her eyes tightly as she climbed faster and faster to that place where only he could take her. “Robin…!!” she cried out, her fists gripping the sheets and he didn't offer any truce, riding her harder, if possible through her spasms, until he emptied himself inside her, his fluids spilling out with his ongoing penetrations and with a final grunt and shove, he collapsed on top of her, breathless.

"R'geena... that was..." he kissed her back, "incredible, love."

“ _ You _ , are incredible,” the woman sighed, resting her cheek against the pillow, “I doubt anyone in any realm is half a man as you…”

"For your luck, I'm all yours," he said, pulling out and Regina groaned softly, watching him with a soft expression as he smeared himself all over her, everywhere he could as she had requested. “Let me taste you, love…” the brunette parted her lips and he took a finger to them.

"Taste us both," he slipped it between her lips.

Regina licked his fingers, making a show of it, like a thirsty kitten. “Mmm…” she gave him a sensual smile, “it tastes like… freshly picked apples and something tangy… next time perhaps I should simply drink you up…”

"I like to hide my seed in you," he turned on his back, bringing her with him and letting her rest on his chest. "It's so erotic, knowing that I drip from between your legs, that it makes you feel sticky down there, and warm, and you'll remember that I fucked you. It makes you mine, but if you want to drink me, who am I to deny anything to my Queen?"

Regina closed her eyes, groaning softly as a new surge swelled within her. “You’ve developed quite a filthy mouth, my thief…”

"Only because I know it pleases you, your Majesty..."

Regina smiled, kissing his chest. “That’s more like it,” she said, “I’ve finally taught you some manners…”

"And it hardly cost you any pinecones," he chuckled, hugging her tenderly.

Regina chuckled warmly. “It cost me more than pinecones, thief,” her lips played a slow smirk, “quite a bit more.”

"And what was the price, my Queen?" He took her hand, kissing its back.

Regina raised an eyebrow. “Half of my sanity,” she suddenly was engulfed in purple smoke and reappeared standing by the bed, fully dressed and made up in a royal gown.

“Bow down, peasant,” her voice was demanding, and she gazed at him from above, chin raised, but he was hardly intimidated, turned on was a better description. She looked obscenely tantalizing.

A still naked Robin Hood got off the bed and knelt in front of her, a playful smile on his lips.

Regina returned his smirk, then suddenly waved a hand and he found himself strapped up against the wall and she walked a line in front of him, pacing back and forth. “Now that you’re at my mercy, what shall I do?” she laughed, the evil queen’s laugh.

"I'm your subject, do with me as you will," he repeated her words.

“Quiet!” she yelled, face close to his, chocolate eyes pinning him down, as she raked a nail down his chest and he obeyed. The roles had turned and he found himself wanting to know what were her dark, lustful desires.

She leaned in and licked his face with the tip of her tongue, darting it to his mouth and she bit it softly, her hands trailing a path down his arms, then to his abs.

Regina gave a step back and waved both arms, untying him as she slowly knelt down, magically still keeping him paralyzed and she waved her hand over his cock again, making it stand hard and throbbing, a second wave and Robin felt his body on fire, as if he was already close to the edge and she had yet to touch him there.

He instinctively tried to reach for her, wanting to crush her against him, and groaned when he couldn't. He looked at her hungry face, her beautiful body covered by that dress. Is this how she looked back in the day? No wonder she instilled such fear, and desire, for no few clients had babbled in his tavern, after too many ales, what they'd love to do to the evil queen under the sheets.

Suddenly she looked up at him, her eyes bloodshot, shimmering red at the edges, a deep seated glare staring back into his kind eyes, the vein he had kissed countless times prominent with her pulse. “I can hear your thoughts…” she uttered, her voice deeper, calculating, an eyebrow raised.

"I have nothing to hide, those were not my words, though I do find you terribly sexy right now." He leered at her.

“Quiet, thief!” she reached up a hand aiming for his throat and began to choke him, how easy it was to simply fall into old habits.

Regina continued her exploration of his abdomen, his chest, then after a moment, released his throat and Robin kept quiet. He... he didn't quite understand what Regina was doing now, what she needed. At the moment she appeared as if removed from herself, but... he had told her that he loved her as she was, and he meant it.

Regina finally made it to her knees and leaned forward, her lips pressing against his stomach, setting soft red kisses on it, her fingertips gently at his sides, rubbing circles.

“Funny,” she said after some thought, “how everyone wanted to either kill me or fuck me, but no one bothered to talk to me…” she continued her ministrations, releasing the holding spell. Perhaps he could conquer the bits of the evil Queen left in her.

"There was nothing else that you let show, except for power, M'lady," he groaned at her kisses. "Power in your magic, power in your body, and people are scared by power. Luckily, there's so much more in you, and I don't fear you."

Regina glanced up at him, only briefly. Yes, it was true, his words were not mistaken, those were the only things that had kept people from doing more damage to her. “Robin,” she asked, “would you love me if I became like this again?” she gave a small open mouthed kiss to the tip of his penis.

He closed his eyes at the touch, and considered it. "Yes. I would love you, but that doesn't mean I'd sit by and see you do harm to others or yourself. But I would love you, R'geena, with all my heart."

Robin looked into her eyes, and blinked as he studied them, they were darker, and slightly void.

“I don’t mean that…” she shook her head, “I mean… if I went back, if  _ we  _ went back, perhaps to Mist Haven? I’d still be Queen and you and Henry, and Roland and I could be a family,” she took him into her mouth, groaning softly at his taste.

"I'd love you anywhere," if he could, he'd contort with pleasure. "Queen or mayor or housewife or horse tamer. I don't care, I'd love you..." He closed his eyes. There was something different in her, he couldn't quite name it. Her very essence felt cooler.

She smiled softly for him, her eyes on his for a moment, and then she returned to him, opening her mouth for him, sliding his length between tight lips. “I would love you, too, if you were a mass murderer,” she said, her tongue rubbing that sweet spot she knew he enjoyed.

"R'geena..." he looked down on her. "What are you saying? You... you..." then she looked up to him and he knew.

"What beats inside your chest, m'lady?"

“Love,” she closed her eyes, “and a second chance to make you happy.”

"With you heart hidden somewhere else?" He suspected he kept his hard on via her magic, for he felt saddened, more than aroused.

Regina gently pulled away, and wiped around her lips with the composure and delicacy of a Queen.

She turned her back to him and went to the nightstand, opening it to produce the battered crimson object, glowing dimly. She pressed it to her chest, and even though it took a few seconds, she slowly transformed, and there she was, in a pair of baggy old jeans and a torn grey t-shirt, her hair was a long mess.

 

There were dark rings under her eyes and her face looked sullen, sunken in, the bones at her wrists prominent, as were her chest bones protruding, peeking over the v neck of her shirt.

“Not quite the same,” she said, a sad look on her face, “I needed a pick me up.”

Robin, let go of his restrain, went to her, crushing her to him, kissing her forehead with fervor. "No, R'geena, you're not the same, and I'd be a fool to want to believe it. All you've been through is meant to leave a mark, though," he cupped her face, "only because you changed, it doesn't mean you stopped to be you, and you, my love, you are precious to me."

The brunette pushed him away gently, her hands on his forearms, then she frowned softly, gazing at him in confusion, as if looking through his eyes. “Oh no…” she shook her head, “I… is… is it really you? You’re not my… my magic, are you?”

Regina had played a game with herself, where a Robin would come to her rescue, make everything better, give her a happy ending, over and over, she thought she’d conjured his image again somehow without doing the full spell, so used was she to having the unreal version of him around, when she needed a pick-me-up.

“I-I’m so sorry…” she said, running a hand through her hair.

"What are you... yes, R'geena, it's me!" He looked into her opaque eyes, a finger caressing her cheekbone, so painfully prominent. "It's me, I'm no illusion, love. I've been here all along, waiting for you to let me in."

Regina shook her head. “This… it shouldn’t have happened,” she pressed her lips together, pulling away from his touch, “I thought you… if I had known it was really you, I wouldn’t have…” she bit her lip, she should have been able to tell the difference.

“We always go back to Mist Haven,” she said, “I open a portal and we go there, and Henry wants to come with us.”

He frowned, not quite understanding what she meant. "Do you... do you make a fake me?  _ Why _ ? The real me would go to hell itself with you." He looked hopeless.

Regina waved both arms open and the place changed, resembling more of a home, bright and well-lit, windows opened from the walls encasing the view of a lake, birds chirped and laughter was heard from a new adjacent door, she lead him there, and there were Henry and Roland, running around a different version of Regina, a healthy looking one in a light blue dress, a sweater draped over her body, and then there he was, his other version walking to her from behind and hugging her, he turned them and to real Robin’s surprise, a full belly came into full view, one which his fake version was caressing lovingly, while kissing fake Regina’s neck.

It smelled of food and sweetness, apples and cinnamon and forest. “I’m happier there,” she pointed to their other selves.

"But we can have that! Regina, we can!" He turned her to him.

“We can’t!” she yelled, waving her arms again and their happier selves disappeared, her new home returning to being the crypt it was. “I can’t be that woman, I can’t be that for Henry and Roland or you. And the pregnancy she’s going through? They’re having a daughter,” she said, shaking her head, “something I could never have.”

"You already are that woman for us, you're Henry's mother! And Roland wants you in his life so much, and me?" His eyes were pleading. "You are my home already, R'geena... if you want a daughter, we'll have one, or two, or as many as you wish, and if we don't, it doesn't matter, we can be that family, you just reach for it, and we're yours."

“I can’t have children,” she stated, “I’m barren.”

_ I don't care, it doesn't matter. I'm fine with it.  _ Those were words about to come out of Robin's mouth, but he understood, by the pain in her stare, that this wasn't about him.

"Do you want to have a child of your own, my love?"

“I wouldn’t do that to a child, being the child of a mass murderer,” she said, turning away from the wall they’d been staring at.

“I’m really sorry, Robin,” she said, “that you had to see all this.”

 


End file.
